The Audition
The Audition is an encounter in Melody of the Maze. It comes after Men of Kruna or The Recital. Enemies *Aspiring Kobold Minion (1000 Gold, 112 XP, 70 Energy, 5 HP Normal, 6 HP Hard) *Aspiring Imp Minion (1100 Gold, 120 XP, 75 Energy, 5 HP Normal, 6 HP Hard) *Aspiring Battle Mage (1000 Gold, 112 XP, 70 Energy, 5 HP Normal, 6 HP Hard) Transcript Introduction A battle mage, a kobold, and an imp are standing in a maze. It sounds like the beginning of a joke, the sort that will end in either a dire pun or an ethnic slur. But it does appear to be an accurate description of what you see before you. "If I'm to become master of this place," the mage says, "I'll need plenty of minions. First to help me wrest it from our fellow denizens, and then to do whatever my bidding is when I rule it. But I refuse to fill my ranks with pathetic wretches whose blood would simply decorate my enemies' blades. If you want to serve me you'll have to prove your worth. So, kobold -- what makes you think you'd be a fit minion?" "I have a sharp stick," the kobold replies. He brandishes his spear as if to clarify. The mage appears to ruminate for a moment. He reaches out and taps the tip of the kobold's weapon with his finger. "Well, it is sharp. And having people skewered will be an important part of my rulership methods." He turns to the imp. "What about you?" "Imps are the best minions! That's why demon lords all have imps." The demon puffs out his chest and raises his posture in what you assume is meant to be a gesture of pride. Though his diminutive stature renders it somewhat less than impressive. "What exactly can you do, imp? I believe some of your kind can turn invisible, or else spawn new imps from their severed body parts. An endless supply of expendable servants would be useful..." "Can't do those things," the imp says. "But have a good cackle." "A cackle?" "Listen!" The imp cackles. It's actually a rather impressive cackle. Perhaps the best blend of sinister and mocking laughter you've ever heard. "What good is that to me?" the mage asks. "Dark overlords always like minions to laugh at their jokes." "True... If an adventurer were to come into my presence, and I transfixed them with a diabolical joke, suitably wicked laughter would be useful." He turns to the kobold. "Can you cackle?" The kobold takes a deep breath. Then he emits something which sounds like a cross between a hiss and a guffaw. "Passable, I suppose... But humor, black or otherwise, is all a matter of timing. I'll need my minions to recognize their cues. I'd just look ridiculous if you burst out laughing in the middle of an evil tirade. I'll have to test you both..." The mage looks around as though in search of something. When he sees you his eyes light up. "You there -- I'll need you to pretend to be an adventurer who's wandered into my maze." You shrug your shoulders. "Okay." The mage gives a theatric cough. "Welcome to my labyrinth, adventurer. I hope you'll find my hospitality..." The mage raises one of his eyebrows half an inch, in what you suppose is meant to be an expression of suave malevolence. "....axe-eptable." The mage holds the pose for a moment. Then he frowns. "Why aren't you laughing?" "Was waiting for the joke," the imp replies. "That was the joke!" "Oh." "I don't get it," the kobold says. "Sorry." The mage sighs. "The word 'labyrinth' means 'place of the axe'. And after I made the joke, one of my minions would come up behind him and chop his head off with an axe. It's a double pun!" "Ha ha ha," the imp says, without much enthusiasm. The kobold manages another hiss-guffaw. "It was hilarious! You pathetic fools were just too stupid to understand the joke!" "I understood it," you say. "It just wasn't very funny." The mage glares at you. "You'll regret your insolence!" He jabs a finger in your direction. "Whoever kills that will become my minion!" The mage sneers as the kobold and imp scurry towards you. "It seems that the joke..." he says, raising his eyebrow once more, "...is on you!" Dutiful laughter comes from his would-be minions. Then they attack. Conclusion "He was weak," the imp says, staring at the place where the battle mage's body exploded. "Not a good evil master." "We need to find a better one," the kobold says. Both their faces turn to you. Each wears a hopeful look. "You're strong," the imp says. "And funny," the kobold says. "I liked it when you said he'd made a 'mage-or mistake', then made his spell bounce back and kill him." "I'm not looking for minions. Sorry." The two creatures sigh in disappointment. "Will see if Goresnout is looking for more minions," the imp says. The two creatures nod their farewell before trotting off. You consider destroying them, but it's really not worth the effort. Category:Melody of the Maze